And Then They Stopped Talking to Me
Making Sense of Middle School
(Sprache: Englisch)
Through the stories of kids and parents in the middle school trenches, a New York Times bestselling author reveals why these years are so painful, how parents unwittingly make them worse, and what we all need to do to grow up.
As the parent of a...
As the parent of a...
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Through the stories of kids and parents in the middle school trenches, a New York Times bestselling author reveals why these years are so painful, how parents unwittingly make them worse, and what we all need to do to grow up.As the parent of a middle schooler, I felt as if Judith Warner had peered into my life and the lives of many of my patients. This is a gift to our kids and their future selves. Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
The French have a name for the uniquely hellish years between elementary school and high school: l âge ingrat, or the ugly age. Characterized by a perfect storm of developmental changes physical, psychological, and social the middle school years are a time of great distress for children and parents alike, marked by hurt, isolation, exclusion, competition, anxiety, and often outright cruelty. Some of this is inevitable; there are intrinsic challenges to early adolescence. But these years are harder than they need to be, and Judith Warner believes that adults are complicit.
With deep insight and compassion, Warner walks us through a new understanding of the role that middle school plays in all our lives. She argues that today s helicopter parents are overly concerned with status and achievement in some ways a residual effect of their own middle school experiences and that this worsens the self-consciousness, self-absorption, and social sorting so typical of early adolescence.
Tracing a century of research on middle childhood and bringing together the voices of social scientists, psychologists, educators, and parents, Warner s book shows how adults can be moral role models for children, making them more empathetic, caring, and resilient. She encourages us to start treating middle schoolers as the complex people they are, holding them to high standards of kindness, and helping them see one another as more than jocks and mean girls, nerds and sluts.
Part cultural critique and part
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call to action, this essential book unpacks one of life s most formative periods and shows how we can help our children not only survive it but thrive.
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We ve all been there.It might have happened last week.
Picking up your son outside his middle school, you watched as he stood on the sidewalk while his classmates swirled around him, leaving for sleepovers, birthday celebrations, or impromptu parties that came together right under his nose. His frozen smile as he stood there, hanging in until the last minute in the hope that an invitation might come his way, made you crumble inside. As did the knowledge that, other than try to offer up an alternative weekend plan for family fun which he would undoubtedly dismiss as just sad there was nothing you could do to help.
It might have happened last year.
You bought your daughter a too-expensive white Abercrombie dress for her eighth-grade graduation because, she said, everybody was wearing one, and you knew how badly she wanted to fit in. But, on the morning of the ceremony, when she went to join her classmates, you realized that everybody was, in fact, only the clique of rich, popular girls who had dropped her two years earlier. They were all lined up, posing as their parents snapped pictures. When they saw your daughter walking toward them, they burst into laughter. And their parents who, not so long ago, had been your friends laughed, too.
Or it might have happened a long time ago.
You walked into your seventh-grade homeroom on the first day of school a couple of minutes late and saw that everyone was pushing desks together into friend-group clusters. Your best friend was waiting for you, but now the two of you made just a lonely little desk dyad, and all your other friends seemed, very happily, to have moved on. As the teacher took attendance, you wondered: Had some new friendship map been drawn up over the summer? Would there ever be an opportunity to reconfigure the geometry? You didn t look at your friend, and she didn t look at you, but as you both sat there uncomfortably, you knew that she was wondering the very same thing.
Middle school is
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brutal. Ask just about anyone, and they ll very likely tell you it was the worst time of their life if they ll tell you anything at all. If they don t, as is so common, simply let out a cry of Raging hormones! and cut off the conversation.
The awfulness of the middle school years ages 11 to 14 for kids these days, 12 to 14 or 15 for adults, if they re old enough to have attended what in previous generations was seventh-to-ninth-grade junior high is a given in our country. Suffering through is almost a rite of passage a modern American initiation ritual marking the transition from a life mostly lived in the warm bubble of home to one that s spent in the colder, sometimes cruel, and always competitive company of peers. Scratch the surface with most people and you ll get a well-remembered anecdote, its details fresh and its telling almost automatic, the way stories told over and over again in the mind often are, particularly when they contain a form of trauma. Which, for a great many people, middle school truly is.
For a long time, I thought that there was no greater pain possible than the agonies I d experienced in seventh and eighth grade. The whispers and giggles. The anonymous slam books, in which everyone wrote what they really thought about you. Having my oh-so-private journal read out loud before French class. Having my every self-conscious habit licking the front of my braces, chewing my lower lip, biting my nails, pulling in my stomach each time I passed a mirror mocked and imitated. Being dumped by my first boyfriend. Coming in one morning in eighth grade to find that, with no warning and for no apparent reason, none of my friends would talk to me, look at me, or even tolerate being in the same room with m
The awfulness of the middle school years ages 11 to 14 for kids these days, 12 to 14 or 15 for adults, if they re old enough to have attended what in previous generations was seventh-to-ninth-grade junior high is a given in our country. Suffering through is almost a rite of passage a modern American initiation ritual marking the transition from a life mostly lived in the warm bubble of home to one that s spent in the colder, sometimes cruel, and always competitive company of peers. Scratch the surface with most people and you ll get a well-remembered anecdote, its details fresh and its telling almost automatic, the way stories told over and over again in the mind often are, particularly when they contain a form of trauma. Which, for a great many people, middle school truly is.
For a long time, I thought that there was no greater pain possible than the agonies I d experienced in seventh and eighth grade. The whispers and giggles. The anonymous slam books, in which everyone wrote what they really thought about you. Having my oh-so-private journal read out loud before French class. Having my every self-conscious habit licking the front of my braces, chewing my lower lip, biting my nails, pulling in my stomach each time I passed a mirror mocked and imitated. Being dumped by my first boyfriend. Coming in one morning in eighth grade to find that, with no warning and for no apparent reason, none of my friends would talk to me, look at me, or even tolerate being in the same room with m
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Autoren-Porträt von Judith Warner
Judith Warner is the author of the New York Times bestsellers Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety and Hillary Clinton: The Inside Story, as well as the award-winning We ve Got Issues: Children and Parents in the Age of Medication. A senior fellow at the Center for American Progress, Warner has been a frequent contributor to The New York Times, where she wrote the popular Domestic Disturbances column, as well as numerous other publications.
Produktdetails
- Autor: Judith Warner
- 2021, 336 Seiten, Maße: 13 x 20,2 cm, Kartoniert (TB), Englisch
- Verlag: Crown
- ISBN-10: 1101905891
- ISBN-13: 9781101905890
- Erscheinungsdatum: 24.03.2021
Sprache:
Englisch
Pressezitat
Fascinating . . . well researched . . . Judith Warner interviews scores of fellow middle school survivors in her accomplished and highly readable new book. . . . She also gets personal with her tales of middle school woe both as a former student and as a parent. Shannon Hale, The New York Times Book ReviewWith clarity, compassion, and insight, And Then They Stopped Talking to Me brilliantly captures the landscape of kids experiences today and the psychological, familial, and cultural forces shaping them. Along the way, Warner debunks age-old myths and offers practical guidance that every parent can use. This is a gift to our kids and their future selves. Lori Gottlieb, author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
Judith Warner offers both fascinating social history and practical advice on a life-stage that sends many adults into a PTSD spiral. She shows how, by compassionately revisiting their own pasts, parents can truly support early adolescents in developing the building blocks for long-term happiness. Peggy Orenstein, author of Boys & Sex and Girls & Sex
I don t know a single adult who did not feel alone, insecure, or deeply self-conscious in middle school. Warner puts the pieces of the puzzle together to show us just how not-alone we were. Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out and Enough As She Is
I have often advised parents not to allow themselves to be sucked back into middle school when they see their children s distress or hear their war stories. But I had no guidebook to offer them. Now I do. Michael G. Thompson, co-author of Raising Cain
Warner has written a compulsively readable book . . . I only wish I d had it on my bedside table when my own kids were adolescents. But I d actually recommend it for parents at any stage, as it holds a mirror up to us as much as to our kids.
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Anne-Marie Slaughter, author of Unfinished Business: Women Men Work Family
I learned a tremendous amount reading this book! Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes and Masterminds & Wingmen
Judith Warner s remarkable, compassionate, fascinating look at the terrifying abyss that is called middle school has given me a perspective and insight that I only wish I d had decades ago. It s a must. Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother and A Really Good Day
An indispensable parents companion for navigating one of the most challenging and extraordinary stages in life. Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege and Ready or Not
I learned a tremendous amount reading this book! Rosalind Wiseman, author of Queen Bees & Wannabes and Masterminds & Wingmen
Judith Warner s remarkable, compassionate, fascinating look at the terrifying abyss that is called middle school has given me a perspective and insight that I only wish I d had decades ago. It s a must. Ayelet Waldman, author of Bad Mother and A Really Good Day
An indispensable parents companion for navigating one of the most challenging and extraordinary stages in life. Madeline Levine, author of The Price of Privilege and Ready or Not
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